My Story

I was born in the year 1998, into the the spiritual darkness that all are born into. I grew up in a home that taught the ways of the Bible, but only after my preteen years did I begin take it seriously. Before this I was all about what I could see right in front of me.Chasing after all the things that kids do at that age. I wanted to be popular; wanted people to like me. I would play the class clown to get attention and make people laugh. Because when they would laugh It would make me feel like a million bucks. Like I was loved and appreciated. But the laughter would always die down and I would be left feeling empty inside. At times I would just lie in bed crying because I pitied myself. I was a mess. The tiniest thing could set me off. 

I drew. I drew my demons. The pain in my heart would flow through my hands unto the paper. And no matter how much I tried to draw what was beautiful and lovely, it would always turn out evil and gnarled. But I kept on drawing, because it was a way for me to show people what it was like on the inside of me. A cry for help that had no words. But I hated it. All of it. Sometimes I would try to hold my breath in a futile attempt to end my pain. I new you couldn't kill yourself that way; you would just pass out. But I thought that even temporary relief would better then none at. I was so broken. My preteen years weren't any better. 

As I went through hormonal changes that young people get around that age, I began to struggled with the lust more and more. Lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, and plenty of the pride of life. I was guilty of them all. I began to flirt around, and grow intimate with girls. I would do it secretly without the knowledge of my parents. But it eventually got so bad that they found out, and intervened. My father sat me down and had a long one on one conversation. He explained to me all about Gods purpose and plan for marriage and chastity. And though I don't remember all of what was said, I do remember that I was shaken to the core. 

From there I slowly began to awaken to the Lord and His will for my life. I began to try harder at being the man God wanted me to be instead of living my life to please others around me. I started to pray more often(though I didn't do it enough) and began to earnestly care about Gods will for my life. And the more I sought Him with all my heart, and shared my pain, the more I began to heal. 

Now over 5 years later I am in so many ways a different person then I was. A new creation. Don't get me wrong, I still make bad choices, I still sometimes live to please mankind. But now I know that even though I fall sometimes, and do evil, God still loves me. He still has an amazing plan for my life. And even though it won't be easy I know He will always be right there beside me. No matter what. And guess what? I can draw beauty now because my heart isn't dark anymore. I can draw beauty, because of what Jesus Christ did for me.

Love and Life

Unfortunately I think that often times people (including those that profess to follow Jesus Christ) get caught up in this life. They focus on the day to day things and therefor don't think on the important questions like: Why am I here? What is the purpose of life? How did I come to exist? Because of this when hard questions are asked, they give weak responses. The question "what if your wrong" has become one of those responses. Maybe at one point it was thought about as a legitimate question that one needs to ponder. Now however, it is just thought of as a cop out or something that's said by people who don't really have any good arguments. That being said, I believe that the idea behind the phrase is still valid. Which is, to bring peoples attention to what may await them if they don't wake up. If they don't open there eyes to the truth that this life isn't just about what they see in front of them. Its not about being born,growing up, getting a job, having sex,seeking pleasure, and then going to the grave. Its about love and relationship. And not the love that this world has twisted and corrupted. Not love that is synonyms with lust. But love that is full of patience, kindness, gentleness, self sacrifice, and selflessness. The same love that would make a perfect God send his only Son into this world to die in your place. A love so great that even while they whipped him until the street ran red with his blood,beat him, and spit in his face, he forgave them. A love that was so powerful it could overcome all the evil that people have done,are doing and will do... That's what its all about. Everything. The situations you face,the troubles you go through, the people you meet, the amazing beauty and complexity of the world around you. Its all there to test if you will accept this love. To see if you will accept God who is Love. And to see if you will love Him in return.