My Story

I was born in the year 1998, into the the spiritual darkness that all are born into. I grew up in a home that taught the ways of the Bible, but only after my preteen years did I begin take it seriously. Before this I was all about what I could see right in front of me.Chasing after all the things that kids do at that age. I wanted to be popular; wanted people to like me. I would play the class clown to get attention and make people laugh. Because when they would laugh It would make me feel like a million bucks. Like I was loved and appreciated. But the laughter would always die down and I would be left feeling empty inside. At times I would just lie in bed crying because I pitied myself. I was a mess. The tiniest thing could set me off. 

I drew. I drew my demons. The pain in my heart would flow through my hands unto the paper. And no matter how much I tried to draw what was beautiful and lovely, it would always turn out evil and gnarled. But I kept on drawing, because it was a way for me to show people what it was like on the inside of me. A cry for help that had no words. But I hated it. All of it. Sometimes I would try to hold my breath in a futile attempt to end my pain. I new you couldn't kill yourself that way; you would just pass out. But I thought that even temporary relief would better then none at. I was so broken. My preteen years weren't any better. 

As I went through hormonal changes that young people get around that age, I began to struggled with the lust more and more. Lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, and plenty of the pride of life. I was guilty of them all. I began to flirt around, and grow intimate with girls. I would do it secretly without the knowledge of my parents. But it eventually got so bad that they found out, and intervened. My father sat me down and had a long one on one conversation. He explained to me all about Gods purpose and plan for marriage and chastity. And though I don't remember all of what was said, I do remember that I was shaken to the core. 

From there I slowly began to awaken to the Lord and His will for my life. I began to try harder at being the man God wanted me to be instead of living my life to please others around me. I started to pray more often(though I didn't do it enough) and began to earnestly care about Gods will for my life. And the more I sought Him with all my heart, and shared my pain, the more I began to heal. 

Now over 5 years later I am in so many ways a different person then I was. A new creation. Don't get me wrong, I still make bad choices, I still sometimes live to please mankind. But now I know that even though I fall sometimes, and do evil, God still loves me. He still has an amazing plan for my life. And even though it won't be easy I know He will always be right there beside me. No matter what. And guess what? I can draw beauty now because my heart isn't dark anymore. I can draw beauty, because of what Jesus Christ did for me.